Starting Out

I have been trying to lose weight for most of my life. I noticed my "bigger than other girls stomach" when I was 12 and it's still hanging around with me. When I started 7th grade I learned a trick that if I suck in my stomach I look a lot thinner, and I have been sucking it in ever since. Sometimes I think that if I knew about anorexia and bulimia when I was 12 I would have done/tried those. I say try but anorexia would never had worked out for me, too much love for food. Bulimia I would have done and I did try it once or twice. I remember one time when I was about 20 I bought so much fast food, and when I was done eating I felt uncomfortable and I wanted to get rid of the food quickly. I tried using my finger but it freaked me out and nothing came out. I think one of my brothers heard me and I remember thinking I hope he didn't tell our parents.
I didn't seek out help to lose weight until I was a Sophomore in college. I was living at home while going to school to save money and my weight kept creeping up. I was 190lb(5'9") at 19(2005) and I never wanted to see 200 on my scale. My mom and I did Weight Watchers together and in three months I was down 15lbs. I was feeling better about myself but then life got busy. I was going to school full-time, working part-time, and in a sorority. I could not find time to make any of the meetings WW had. Looking back I wish I had made more of an effort but I can remember being stressed out about everything I had going on.
After getting down to 175lb and having a busy schedule I decided I could do WW on my own and get down to my goal. That did not happen and I gained back everything and then some. What I feared most happened, I was now 208lb. Eight pounds past my never zone! I can't remember how old I was but I was still doing school and work but I had time for WW meetings. I was in a really bad mental state and I was not losing weight at all. On my weigh in day I wouldn't eat anything so the scale would hopefully be lighter. Right after the meeting I would go to McDonald's and get a chicken sandwich meal with a large soda and not one but TWO large fries. Sometimes a McFlurry too. My reasoning is crazy, but I felt that if I could have fast food once a week it would help me with my feelings of hating life.
Right now I am 26 and I weigh 232lb. I am tired of how I feel about myself and I know I have to stop using food to feel better. I remember when I really started packing the weight on, it was May 2006 (I was 20) and  I signed up for Netflix. I got into a habit of getting McD's on the way home from work or school when I knew I was getting a DVD that day. I told myself "Katie you can't do this every time" but I had this uneasy feeling if I watched a DVD without food. I can't explain it, but if I was drug addict that's what I think it would be like. I am a food addict.
Starting 2012 I gave up soda pop for the new year( I haven't fully stuck to it but I hardly drink soda any more). I had been an online member of WW for a year and I started following the program again in January. I was 228lb and by March 2012 I was 218lb and getting excited. Then I went on vacation and when I got home I could not get back in the weight loss mode. I had a binge where I buy way too much food for one person at the grocery store, and when I saw the scale didn't move up as much as I thought it would I was having a weekly binge. I kept telling myself next Monday I'd do better. I decided to save my money from WW and found a free app that counts calories instead of points, myfitnesspal. I thought by keeping WW online I would get my butt in gear so I wouldn't waste money but sadly that did not motivate me enough. I am going to find my own thing, something that I will stick to for a lifetime.
I am tired of yo-yoing and I am ready to get to a healthy weight. I made up my own six-week challenge that I will talk about in my next post. I started it on Monday and so far it's going well. More on that later!